Why He Runs Back and Chases When You IGNORE Him
You see, this is not a one size fits all type of issue.
In this article, you will learn why he runs back and chases when you ignore him. You know the scenario. Things start out beautifully. He’s really into you. He’s attentive and affectionate. He’s calling and texting all the time. And then just as everything is going great, something changes.
And you notice that he’s not as interested as before. He’s not texting or calling like before, and you don’t know why. So then you start to ignore him for a while. And like magic, he comes running back to you. Things are great again for a while, but as soon as you let your guard down and give him your full attention, the cycle repeats itself and he loses interest and starts to pull away again.
If this sounds familiar, I’m going to explain how to stop this vicious cycle and keep his interest and attention on you and only you. So if you’re interested in making your love life the best part of your life, start now by clicking here to watch a video I put up for you.
Keeping his interest and attention on you starts with understanding why he pulls away in the first place because understanding why it’s happening will determine the best way to correct the problem. You see, this is not a one size fits all type of issue. There isn’t one solution that will work for all relationships.
So I’m going to present several possible reasons and offer you a unique solution for each one. So pay careful attention to each one and then you will know exactly what to do to keep his attention on you and only you. So without further ado, here’s number one.
#1 You’re working much harder than he is
When we are really attracted to someone and we really want things to work out, we have a tendency to go out of our way, to be super nice, attentive and available because we want them to like us. Sometimes we do all of the work to make things happen.
Maybe you’ve done things like always driving across town to see him or arranging your schedule to make time for him and even canceling plans with your friends to see him. This may be an exaggeration, but if a guy thinks that you’ll drop everything for an opportunity to see him, the message it sends is that he’s the most important thing going on in your life, and this has two bad consequences.
First, it lowers your value in his eyes, and when you’re perceived value goes down, so does your level of attractiveness. When you show a new man too much interest and too much excitement, your perceived value relative to his goes down.
And number two, if you’re doing all or almost all of the work, he doesn’t have to try as hard. He doesn’t have to invest so much of his effort into the relationship. Remember, people care more when they put more effort and invest into their relationship in terms of time and energy and effort and commitment.
So if you recognize that you have been trying harder and working harder than him and he’s not investing, what can you do to fix this? Well, first, prioritize you and become someone you would miss, be yourself, but also make yourself a priority. Prioritize your needs over the relationship and lean back and stop pursuing him.
He’s a man and you’ve got to let him pursue you. So practice the 80/20 rule. That means that at least 80% of the time he needs to be the one initiating texts or calls. He needs to be the one asking to see you and making plans. I know that this is not easy to do because you want to be in contact and connected. But trust me, if you’ve been the one doing all the work, it’s time that you step back and let him start working.
Make him invest in the relationship
When he does, he’s increasing his own feelings of love and appreciation for you. And I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about allowing him to help you with things, small favors, helping you complete a project at home, help with studying things that take time and effort.
Instead of suggesting you meet at his place, let him drive your way and pick you up. These things add up. The more he invests, the more he will like you as a result. I know it seems counterintuitive, but trust me, we appreciate and value the things that we work hard for. So let him invest more and he will develop an amazing appreciation for you.
#2 You’re attracted to bad boys
Are you someone who is always attracted to men who are unavailable or otherwise bad for you? In other words, you keep picking the bad boys. You know the scenario. The nice guy is handsome and sweet and interesting and smart and available, and he’s interested in a relationship with you. But of course you’re just not that into him.
On the other hand, you can’t stop thinking and obsessing over this bad boy. Sure, the bad boy has some good qualities, but he’s either unavailable for a relationship in general or unavailable for a relationship with you. So if you have a history of picking these guys, perhaps you’re more likely to subconsciously seek out similar scenarios, hoping that the story will have a different ending next time.
Only it doesn’t. What makes you so attracted to these bad boys? And why are you not excited about the nice guy that everyone thinks is perfect for you? This is a very common but complicated relationship issue that requires an entire article of its own.
#3 You think you’re more compatible than you really are
Now, this is a big one. You start dating a person who you find super attractive. Attractive, like you can’t take your eyes off of him. Attractive. And you also believe that he has a lot going for him and that he is a very good match for you. You believe you would make a great couple and have beautiful babies together.
And when you’re together, the chemistry is unmistakable and you get physical with each other fairly quickly, but otherwise maybe you don’t have too much in common. And then after sometime he loses interest without any particular reason. So what happened?
Well, ask yourself, are you really that compatible or are you just really attracted to one another? Don’t get me wrong, having amazing chemistry with someone is exciting, but do you have non-stop, amazing, stimulating conversation? Are you both really that similar? Let’s be honest with ourselves.
The more attractive you are to a person, the more likely you are to try and forgive the differences between the two of you. And before you really know a person you’re more likely to imagine. This man has these great qualities and attributes that are perfect for you, but in reality, he might not be that compatible with you, despite the fact that you really, really want him to be.
If that’s what’s happening in your situation, realize that when the physical attraction starts to fade, you’ll be left with someone who really isn’t compatible with you and isn’t going to satisfy your needs long term. And for whatever reason, he was just able to realize and accept the fact before you were.
Of course the rejection hurts, but the longer you stay engaged in this relationship, the more it will hurt.
#4 He has an avoidant attachment style
This sets the stage for what I call the relationship intimacy dance. You see as a new relationship develops people with a secure or an anxious attachment style attempt to intensify and deepen the relationship by getting closer and more emotionally intimate.
But if your man has an avoidant attachment style, he will have the opposite reaction instead, because the avoidant man is uncomfortable with too much closeness and intimacy. He deactivates, he pulls away and he tries to distance himself from his partner.
So what happens next? Well, you respond to his distancing with your own distancing strategies that are intended to wake him up and make him pay attention. So you try to make him miss you by not being available or ignoring him, or you stop calling him and wait for him to initiate, or you don’t appear to care too much. You take the focus off of him and you make yourself busy.
So you appear to be this strong, independent, high value woman. And guess what happens? It works like magic. You’re giving the avoidant man the distance or space he needs. He worries that you no longer need him or that he’s losing you and that activates his attachment system.
Then he misses you and begins to pursue and chase you again. And just like that, he shows you that he needs you and wants you. And you get the reconciliation and the closeness that you want and need. Everything is great, right?
Well, if your man has an avoidant attachment style, this newly re-established closeness is short lived. As soon as you let your guard down again, as soon as you show your authentic feelings and get closer, your avoidant partner feels uncomfortable with the closeness and intimacy. He gets cold feet and then he disengages again.
That’s the push, pull, run and chase relationship, intimacy, dance. That’s a cycle that can literally go on for years and years. When you get close and show your feelings, he pulls away. Then you get frustrated and pull away and he begins to pursue you and get closer.
It’s a cycle of exacerbating each other’s insecurities and maintaining the stable instability of the relationship. And if you have an anxious attachment style, you remain in a state of uncertainty and dissatisfaction that can go on for years without ever finding the degree of intimacy that you want.
But when you recognize and understand that your partner has an avoidant attachment style, you become empowered to make some changes that I talk about in this article.
Now, look, anyone who is dating in today’s world will have these experiences and it won’t feel good. What’s important is that you quickly recognize when your feelings are no longer being reciprocated, and once you’re aware, adjust your behaviors and feelings accordingly. Don’t waste your time worrying about the person who isn’t showing as much interest as you are.
And don’t blame yourself or spend endless hours worrying about what could have went wrong. It happens to everyone. It happens frequently and it’s not a reflection of you, period. Move forward and meet someone as eager about a relationship as you are. You deserve a person who’s just as excited about you and knows how to show it.
Don’t settle for anything less. Again, you can watch the video that talks about the biggest key to being truly irresistible to a man… in a way that goes far beyond physical attraction.
I hope you enjoyed why he runs back and chases when you ignore him.